Back to Barbados

TSH and Diva had booked a day room at the Radisson – 10:00 til 18:00. The reservations manager appeared and explained that they had overbooked and all the nearby hotels are full on a busy weekend. He said all the ‘facilities’ would be made available free of charge. But this is not the same as a room to shower and change and reorganise the suitcases. Eventually he found a room where the guests were arriving later and TSH and Diva had the complementary use of it from 12:45 til 16:00. Better than nothing but clearly the best that was going to happen.

The hotel is not like a Radisson – if it was in somewhere like Spain it would be a 3 star. The room was OK and clean but a long way from luxury. Just after a cruise is always a disappointing time but this experience was really bad. The reservations manager was charming and did his best but this is not what is expected from an international chain with a normally good reputation.

Radisson barbados

People

As expected, most of the people encountered on Caribbean islands were of African descent but some are of Asian descent, as some slaves were brought from India. TSH and Diva were shocked to discover that their history education was mostly the same as a British history education and contained little or nothing about their own antecedents. Most do not know where their ancestors came from. One woman told us she thought hers were from Nigeria, because of similarity in the way she pronounces words and the way some Nigerians pronounce them. This is very flimsy linguistic evidence, as accents are rarely preserved over hundreds of years between people in different locations. (Think of the USA accent, where many of the people’s ancestors originated in Britain)  It certainly seems that there are many chapters of this history to be written.

On a tour in Becquia, one of the guides explained that she was one of the indigenous people. Her facial features were different and her cultural attitude (favourable) towards whaling were different from those of the Afro-Caribbean guides, who were pretty much disgusted by it.

In Brazil, the people appear to be a mixture of indigenous South American Indians and descendants of the Portuguese colonisers. Guides informed guests that there were African slaves here as well, but TSH and Diva have seen no signs so far. One surprise is that the largest Japanese community outside Japan is here is Brazil. Hence the sighting of a sushi bar.

Unusually, 80% of the passengers on this voyage are British. Maybe because it includes the US Thanksgiving holiday.

There have been times on the cruise when its been ‘all about the butler’.  TSH and Diva had a visit from the butler manager to check they were happy and actually they are now, as he is remembering most things. But there is a suggestion that he could be doing more and that TSH and Diva are not using him properly. They have no idea what else a butler could do for them, although he did offer to run Diva a bubble bath one night. This is a totally ludicrous suggestion and TSH and Diva would rather not have a butler. One day TSH and Diva returned to the suite to find a note that he had run ‘a muscle relaxing bubble bath’. The bath had no bubbles, no apparent smell from any product and it had already gone cold. One night, forgetting he had made them a restaurant reservation, he suggested that TSH and Diva dine in the suite – he had already chosen his recommended dishes. Polite refusal followed.

On board

Another irrelevant lecture about explorers and pirates. One of the lunch-time options, to take place at about the same time as the equator is re-crossed - is the British pub lunch. TSH and Diva heard the rehearsal – none of the singers seemed to have heard most of the songs before and they were often flat. ‘I’m getting married in the morning’, ‘Pack up your troubles’, ‘Knees up mother Brown’ and ‘Oompahpah’ (is that how you spell it?) from ‘Oliver’. Has anybody British ever been to a pub where this happens? And how old do they think we are? We are the ‘We want it all and we want it now’ generation. But they are trying hard to appeal to the Brits.

One intriguing thing is happening on board. There is a boat building competition. Now Diva, being a born and bred Lancashire lass, keeps thinking of Sam, supplier of wood to Noah, who ‘not liking the look of the weather, was thinking of building an Ark’ (http://monologues.co.uk/3Hapence.shtml). So do they know something we don’t? Do we need new lifeboats? Are there enough life boats? Due to lack of interest, the judging never took place.

It turns out that back at Devil’s Island, one woman refused help transferring between ship and tender, fell down the gap and was injured, requiring a helicopter transfer.

The lecture on Wednesday was on Tristan da Cunha, which continues the madness of inappropriateness.  The lecturer has a CV which seemed over-egged to the point of disbelief. A US naval captain, author of a book about the polar regions, several university degrees, explorer leader etc etc etc.

Last stop

The last place where Silver Whisper guests could go ashore was Alter do Chão. As this was likely to be another ‘authentic’ village with ‘cute’ kids with dollar signs in their eyes. Diva decided to stay on board and TSH ventured forth alone. He had full instructions – ‘don’t go off the beaten track alone’, don’t touch animals or people’  ‘if you touch the Amazon water, shower in anti-bac immediately’.

TSH was on the first tender ashore and thought for a while he might be the only person on the tender – in fact it sailed with seven guests on. There was no repeat of the behaviour encountered at Boca de Valeria earlier in the cruise. It was essentially a holiday resort with sandy beaches and TSH was able to test the water temperature despite earlier instructions from Diva. There was not a lot to see at Alter do Chão but there were some interesting birds including parrots - at last.

And he got back safely!! And headed straight for the shower and a change of clothes as it had become very hot whilst ashore. Then it was to the bar for a cold beer which turned out to be the first of three consumed during the day.

Parintins

The day started with great excitement. Christmas trees and decorations appeared overnight in the public areas.

A waiter at breakfast said that some of the grassier areas look from a distance just like England, a thought that had already occurred to TSH and Diva. A second waiter walked past muttering in gloomy fashion ‘we are in the middle of nowhere’.

The deck was not as wet as just after yesterday’s torrential rain when in some parts there were several inches to wade through. There were lots of small moths and insects but no big ones. The scariest landed on Diva’s lip and almost into her mouth.

The excursion was to a show in an air-conditioned centre. It covered traditional music and dance with fantastic costumes – a pale imitation of Rio’s Carnivale, but still very enjoyable. Until half way through when the lights went out at a dramatic part which seemed to be some kind of death rite. Everyone thought it was part of the drama but it turned out to be a power cut which might be fixed in five minutes ‘or tomorrow’. So everyone returned to the ship early, disappointed but impressed with the enthusiasm of the dancers.

Moving back towards the northern hemisphere and the Amazon mouth.

No new animals today (especially tigers) – just more vultures.

Manaus

Manaus is a crazy concept– a major city, partly European-style in a large jungle clearing. It was all about the rubber industry, which barely exists in Brazil anymore. It went into decline when an Englishman stole some seeds and took them to Malaysia to set up more economically successful plantations. The newly restored Teatro Amazonas is impressive and just like you would expect to find in any European capital city. In fact, the marble is Italian, the ironwork French and the pillars engineered in the UK. The square outside has a marble pavement, just like you might find in Italy or Spain. But there are still areas which they describe as ‘part of the culture of the area’, which look like slums to Europeans. And the floors in the opera house, the palace and the marble square are striped to symbolise the meeting of the waters.

There was also a visit to the central market, which had a variety of stalls, with many selling herbs, oils, spices and local remedies. Tourist police were much in evidence. To protect locals from tourists or tourists from locals? Some Silver Whisper guests have been mugged but TSH and Diva are being very careful.

Another boat tour to another ecological park provided sightings of some more unusual birds including hoatzin and a whole colony of egrets, with many of them sitting right at the top of the trees. Two small children in a canoe held up a caiman and a monkey. Monkeys were also seen at the village where TSH and Diva boarded the canoe – attracted by food put out by people in the village. The promised area of water-lilies – vast in the advertising literature - consists of a few square feet and a sad story about flooding, climate change and it being the wrong season. This was the main reason for Diva venturing onto a ten person canoe which (for her) was incredibly difficult to get in and out of.  There was also another visit to the ‘Meeting of the Waters’, which really is impressive. It was this tour that made TSH and Diva understand properly that the Amazon is a region with a number of large rivers, and which one is ‘the Amazon’ at any particular point is not always clear. One of the guides on this tour was the same guide who took David Beckham into the Amazon to film his recent TV documentary.

Because all themorning tours were late back and it was too rainy for lunch on deck, everyone descended on La Terrazza at once, so that TSH and Diva queued for food for the first time on this voyage. When the rain happens, it is extremely heavy but mostly of short duration and warm. One afternoon, a bedraggled small black and white bird with a long forked tail sheltered on the deck of the Silver Whisper for a while. One night, TSH and Diva went on deck after dinner and saw a distant storm, with plenty of lightning.

The Seven Seas Navigator was also docked in Manaus but Silver Whisper had a better berth closer to the city. Other features of the riverside include large numbers of vultures and a range of local ferries, which are heavily laden with people and goods. These ferries can be seen to contain large numbers of hammocks on open-sided decks. This is where people sleep on journeys which can take many days. The free wifi in the cruise terminal does not appear to work, or at least it is not compatible with any device owned by anyone from the Silver Whisper.

TSH turned barista and worked out how to make himself a coffee at the DIY station in the Observation Lounge – a lot of effort for a drink that would fit in a thimble.

Getting to the furthest point

After dinner with the International Hostess, TSH and Diva made a rare after-dinner visit to the bar for whisky and port. The barman took the microphone and hammed up ‘Delilah’ in a unique way that made Tom Jones sound restrained.

Silver Whisper sailed past Manaus, providing a sight of a large populated area along the waterside, with a lot of industry as well as a city centre. This area has the first bridge across the Amazon, which is so important to road communications (most people use the river) that Silver Whisper had tugs as well as a special pilot to prevent any collision. Words from the captain suggested he was more than a  little insulted. The bridge is mostly conventional, with a beautiful suspension section in the middle. It seems to carry very little traffic.

The afternoon tour was to an area (Anavilhanas, and Acajatuba Village) which is nationally protected. The village was much more authentic than experienced a couple of days ago. The ‘see the pink dolphins’ experience was OK and some people swam with them but the sightings were no better than already experienced. For the first time ever, Diva saw a rainbow in the water other than in waterfalls. No unusual animals were sighted, in spite of the guide talking about anaconda, cayman and jaguar. Ancondas have been found under beds in the rainy season, whilst caymon and jaguar have an appetite for pet dogs.  A very large beetle was seen but an Australian said it was very small by Australian standards.   After being told not to stand under the Brazil nut tree because of the damage falling Brazil nuts can do, the guide had everyone stand in the shade under the tree whilst he delivered his talk. (see earlier reference to size of Brazil nut shells to appreciate potential danger) Diva kept a sharp eye out for jaguar but the most scary part was scrambling on and off the small boat. Getting back onto Silver Whisper for cold towels and Prosecco was the best bit.

The overall impression of the Amazon is the sheer scale of it. Hundreds of miles from the ocean and there are still places where the water stretches as far as the eye can see. Very little habitation, lots of forest and communication restricted to the water. If Brazil is experiencing an economic boom, it is not happening in this area, with the possible exception of Manaus. The biodiversity of the region is not accessible on this type of holiday – presumably you need jungle treks (and not the kind offered by Silversea) and expert guides. The only disappointing aspect of the cruise itself is the lecturer, who was yesterday talking about the Falkland Islands. TSH and Diva think that there should have been a specialist such as a zoologist to talk about this  special area so that everyone could get the most out of it.

On board: 15:55. Sail away 16:00. Essential to get back under the bridge to Manaus in daylight.

The fingernails were looking worse every time DEET was applied so eventually Diva paid the money to have the shellac removed.  The spa was lovely and the foot bath (bronze, with all kind of taps and jets) was amazing and worthy of being in pride of place in any home.

Boca da Valeria

This was a ‘self-guided exploration’ of an ‘authentic’ Amazon village and Diva had rock-bottom expectations. The reality was worse. It started on the tender, with small boats coming alongside and a small boy thrusting a sloth at people so they could photograph it in return for money. On arrival in the village, there was a reception line of children with dollar signs in their eyes, two of whom grabbed Diva’s hands to escort her onwards. TSH wisely raised his hands so that they could not reach.

The promised monkeys, macaw, capybara, iguana, toucan and cayman were all seen but they were all tethered, some possibly dead and one possibly plastic. One crazy English woman had to be stopped by her husband from stroking the capybara. Some people were dressed in ‘Indian’ costumes which probably owed more to Disney than to native culture. Any photograph involved an expectation of payment. Why not a camera fee at the start to cover it all? TSH paid for one photograph by donating his pencil.

One woman was heard teaching a group of children to count in English. Not exactly the transfer of cultural information expected. The colonial instinct is alive, well and living on the Silver Whisper.

Diva thought nothing was authentic, nothing was enjoyable and the experience diminished both sides. If the people enjoy their simple life so much, as guides have been telling us, why are they allowing themselves to be turned into a zoo selling unwanted souvenirs to voyeuristic tourists? TSH enjoyed the trip but shared the view that it was somewhat artificial.

The only good bit was a few more pink dolphin sightings. TSH also got some better photos of vultures.

Santarem

This is one of the two large cities to be visited but despite this, neither TSH nor Diva has a phone signal. It is odd to see Christmas decorations and trees in temperatures which reached 100 degrees Fahrenheit during the day. Huge insects came to the deck of the Silver Whisper in the morning providing TSH with photo opportunities.

The morning tour included a short walk through the forest to a production facility for tapioca. Well, a covered area in a woodland glade. There are two kinds of fruit and the best tapioca flour is made from the poisonous variety. (Just stay with me). And by poisonous, they mean ‘induces internal haemorrhage and you die’.  To render it harmless involves squeezing out the poisonous liquid and then heating it to drive out any remaining liquid. The guide handled the product at all stages but did eventually wash her hands. Diva stayed well away and did not inhale at any point. Or take advantage of the snacks. And in view of the level of peril, TSH was not allowed to do any of this either.  Diva will never eat tapioca again.

TSH and Diva also saw a local man slash a rubber tree to allow the latex to seep out – it dries very quickly so it soon turns into a long string like an elastic band. Brazil nut shells usually have over 20 nuts crammed into them and are very difficult to get at.

Slight contradiction: One guide said that yellow fever is endemic in the squirrel monkeys and another said that there has been no case of yellow fever or malaria in humans in the Amazon basin for years. So have TSH and Diva wasted a great deal of money on vaccinations and malarone?

Another visit was to the church where people were celebrating the feast of the Immaculate Conception. This takes one day in the UK but two weeks here, with much exuberant music, singing and waving.

The afternoon boat tour provided sightings of pink dolphins, but these are more difficult to see than whales or ocean dolphins because they only come to the surface very briefly. And Diva was very excited to see a large (4-5 ft??) iguana up a tree.

The ‘Meeting of the Waters’ is amazing with a definite line between the muddy brown Amazon and the blue Tapajos.

The piranha fishing was a disappointment as hardly anyone caught anything. TSH tried hard but just lost 6 lots of bait. Diva had expected it to take place at a fish farm but it happened at a random place along the river. The local fishermen did much better and held up a number of examples of large fish they had caught.

 There was compensation in sightings of many raptors (including many black vultures and a caracara), egrets, heron, cormorants, terns.

Crossing

For two people who have never been anywhere near the equator before, it has been very exciting to see the ‘degrees north’ on the Silver Whisper position steadily decreasing. And then came the morning when it was 0.06. Nearly there.

The sail into the mouth of the Amazon happened at night so it was not possible to see anything of the many islands there. The first stop was in Macapa, a very small Brazilian town where the Silver Whisper anchored for several hours to carry out Brazilian clearance.  Passengers were not allowed ashore but they could see forest and small riverside settlements. The water looks very muddy.

TSH and Diva did some Tai Chi on deck and Diva eyed a large insect very warily. Like a dragonfly but much chunkier and with a venomous way of flying. A couple of small black and white birds were glimpsed briefly. A moth the colour of an autumn leaf rested on the deck.

Late morning, Neptune appeared for the ceremony of the crossing of the line. Diva is convinced it was not the real Neptune, as the ceremony was very tacky and nothing like a God would organise. But the equator has been crossed!! The direction of flow down the bathroom basins has been observed but there seems to be no difference. So maybe all that school science stuff was just made up.

There is a new addition to the suite. TSH and Diva pointed out in the interim questionnaire that the light level in the suites has diminished and reading at night whilst sitting on the sofa is now impossible for them. So a reading light has been delivered!! Diva is wondering if Eclipse kitchens will be as helpful if the new light levels in the kitchen are similarly inadequate.  All modern lighting is designed by 25 year olds with perfect vision and no care for even slightly older people (like TSH and Diva). May they grow old and feeble sighted at a fast rate!!

Devil’s Islands, French Guiana

This is a group of three islands, which formed the French penal colony featured in the film ‘Papillon’. Confusingly, one of the islands is known as Devil's Island and this is the one on which the famous political prisoner Dreyfus was imprisoned in the late nineteenth century. All of the islands are covered with ruins because all penal facilities in French Guiana were finally shut down in the 1940s. The inmates were often left without guards, since strong currents and sharks made a getaway virtually impossible. Certainly there was quite a swell as Silver Whisper passengers got in and out of the tenders for the visit was to Ile Royale, the largest island

As well as the ruins of the prison, the islands are covered with dense vegetation, in which a variety wild animals lurk. At one point, many monkeys assembled in the trees around a group of tourists and Diva feared an organised attack. Fortunately this did not happen and the reputed shark infested waters showed no sign of any sharks today.

During the visit, there was a warm rain shower but overall it was very hot and very humid. One guest must have had a really bad day as a stretcher party was required to meet one of the tenders to deal with a case of heat stroke. TSH and Diva were quite well but on return to Silver Whisper needed immediate showers and TSH drank two cold beers in quick succession.

Diva’s shellac nail varnish has chipped a bit and she vaguely remembers that Deet insect repellent is not recommended with this product. Its OK (ish) if it doesn’t get worse but it can’t be removed on the ship as the spa charge for removal is more than her local nail salon charged to apply it.

Only 5 degrees north of the equator now!!

Animals spotted during the walking safari: Large pig , peacocks, hens, monkeys including  small common squirrel monkeys and the larger woolly monkeys, several agouti, small bright blue birds, leaf cutter ants. Terrifying in spite of the lack of tigers.

Water, water

The first story is very sad. One of the waiters – known to TSH and Diva for several voyages – lost his family home during the Philippines typhoon in 2013. He was visiting his mother there at the time and he and other family members spent several days in the roof space, witnessing a lot of death and destruction. Meanwhile, his wife and young daughters, safe in Manila, were convinced he was dead. There was no travel or communication for some time. The house is totally destroyed and he is clearly still traumatised.

The second story is international and concerns gender relations. Diva was in the laundry room ironing (I know!!) and the German gentleman host came in to examine the washing machines. He hoped they were not too complicated and his clothes would not be boiled. Diva had never used these machines (complementary laundry!!) but offered suggestions. Now, she knows well that irony does not translate. But she pointed out that it is a well known fact that women are born with an innate ability to operate washing machines and that men are not. He looked totally baffled. May his clothes boil!!

Diva flooded the bathroom because she did not notice that the water was coming out of the shower as well as out of the bath tap. And then she went out of the bathroom to get her outfit ready. So there was a lot of water on the floor and into the room onto the carpet and all the spare towels were needed.

St George's Grenada

Today’s excursion took in the Gouyave Nutmeg Factory and the Concord Falls. The bus was better than yesterday and had real air-conditioning. During the journey, which was very hilly but not as steep as yesterday, TSH and Diva passed through a town where the guide pointed out Lewis Hamilton’s grandparents sitting on their verandah. There was much waving from all parties. The guide kept the secret of where Oprah Winfrey parks her yacht.

Dougaldston Estate is an old cocoa plant which seems to have had no improvement in infrastructure or methods for the last 200 years. The guide demonstrated the extraction and drying of a number of crops, including cocoa beans, nutmeg, mace (these latter two are different parts of the same plant), cinnamon and allspice (Diva always thought this last one was a mixture of other spices). The larger scale nutmeg factory, with many racks of drying nutmegs was only slightly more up to date. Diva was not impressed to see a worker sneeze over the nutmeg she was sorting.

At Concord Falls none of the Silver Whisper group took to the water, which was colder than the sea, but a local man dived ostentatiously several times into the pool.

Back at the ship for lunch, which included turkey, as it is Thanksgiving Day. Later Diva and TSH did Tai Chi in the exercise area before the ship set sail in the afternoon.

Spotted today- Goats, cows, egrets, frigate birds, a brown booby catching a fish, green heron, lizards. The guide specifically said there were no lions or tigers.

The next island

Silver Whisper anchored in a beautiful bay off Bequia island which is part of the Grenadines. After a light breakfast, TSH and Diva took the shuttle boat ashore and spent an hour walking along the shore.

The island is only about 16 square miles with 5,000 inhabitants. Local fisherman are active - one tried to sell lobster to people on the shuttle and a group of them were seen unloading large fish from a little boat. Many of the children travel the 9 miles by boat to St Vincent every day to go to school, giving them a very long day.

TSH and Diva went back to the ship for lunch which in this case was a sandwich because of the quick turn round – its all go! The ‘a la carte’ sandwich took thirty minutes to make but was very good.

The trip round the island was on the back of an eight seater variation of a wildlife park vehicle. Some very steep and narrow roads were negotiated in a convoy of said vehicles – the brakes are said to be checked twice a year. On the steepest parts, passengers were asked to hang on to overhead bars to prevent them sliding off the back. It was as near a white knuckle ride as Diva ever wishes to get. The tour visited a couple of view points (everybody photographed the ship), with views of other islands, before going to a turtle sanctuary to see hornbill turtles of all sizes.

There was a brief stop for refreshments – rum punch (Diva is developing a taste for this) and local beer.

In view of the light lunch, afternoon tea was essential after arrival back on the ship.

TSH and Diva seem to have acquired their next trainee butler. A very charming Chinese man, who is trying very hard and sometimes missing the point. He keeps begging for shoes to clean (yes, really) but does not always remember things requested. TSH and Diva told him they drink a lot of water so he turned up with an industrial sized container of distilled water, which is probably intended for the engine.

Wildlife spotted today:  boobies, frigate birds, crabs, lizards, large fish, goats, cows

No tigers yet.

Around the hotel

The hotel is providing adequate food – the pineapple and bananas are particularly good, as you might expect. The omelettes made to order in the morning are excellent and Diva loved her ‘well done’ one.  A lot of the food is deep fried or battered or both. A sandwich with cheese, bacon, chicken, ketchup and fries was labelled ‘healthy option’!!

The first full day was an unusual one of heavy rain. Half the car park flooded and the approach road was deep in water.  But with that out of the way, the climate is very pleasant. Low 30s, with a breeze and some cloud seems constant day and night. The balcony is always in the shade, which makes it very pleasant. The view from the balcony is of Bridgetown and the cruise ships, which look impressive after dark at about 18:00. In the early mornings, a troop (??) of black horses is taken for a swim and only the heads can be seen for a while.

During the Little England tour, TSH and Diva saw many remnants of the sugar industry, which is now in decline. These included a windmill dating from the seventeenth century.

The driver on the Little England tour said that major hurricanes are rare here and the last one was in the 1950s. So why does the room have a document describing a four-phase hurricane alert system? At one level, guests are required to pack and then seal their suitcases in plastic bags, before proceeding to the hurricane shelter.

Bridegtown was disappointing – TSH and Diva were hoping to spend the day there. But there is really only one street, with a few international designer names and not really much else. There are a few interesting and horrifying plaques marking the place where the African people were disembarked and placed into cages. Names ‘Cave’ and ‘Shepherd’ on some shops reminded TSH and Diva of two of the names they heard yesterday at the plantation. So maybe the same old families still own a lot of the island.

Around the hotel

The hotel is providing adequate food – the pineapple and bananas are particularly good, as you might expect. The omelettes made to order in the morning are excellent and Diva loved her ‘well done’ one.  A lot of the food is deep fried or battered or both. A sandwich with cheese, bacon, chicken, ketchup and fries was labelled ‘healthy option’!!

The first full day was an unusual one of heavy rain. Half the car park flooded and the approach road was deep in water.  But with that out of the way, the climate is very pleasant. Low 30s, with a breeze and some cloud seems constant day and night. The balcony is always in the shade, which makes it very pleasant. The view from the balcony is of Bridgetown and the cruise ships, which look impressive after dark at about 18:00. In the early mornings, a troop (??) of black horses is taken for a swim and only the heads can be seen for a while.

During the Little England tour, TSH and Diva saw many remnants of the sugar industry, which is now in decline. These included a windmill dating from the seventeenth century.

The driver on the Little England tour said that major hurricanes are rare here and the last one was in the 1950s. So why does the room have a document describing a four-phase hurricane alert system? At one level, guests are required to pack and then seal their suitcases in plastic bags, before proceeding to the hurricane shelter.

Bridegtown was disappointing – TSH and Diva were hoping to spend the day there. But there is really only one street, with a few international designer names and not really much else. There are a few interesting and horrifying plaques marking the place where the African people were disembarked and placed into cages. Names ‘Cave’ and ‘Shepherd’ on some shops reminded TSH and Diva of two of the names they heard yesterday at the plantation. So maybe the same old families still own a lot of the island.

Little England

Pasta night at the Barbados Hilton is a little bizarre. The pasta dish is designed and cooked to order. The guest chooses ingredients (fish, chicken, onions, prawns, beef, a variety of vegetables) and the chef puts them all into a pan in the manner of a stir-fry. Ready cooked pasta, chosen from three varieties, is then added to the mix, with a choice of cream or tomato sauce. Because this takes a long time, and the queue is building, the assortment is not fully hot by the time it is turned out on to the plate. Diva was not very impressed.

The Little England tour seemed to be the best leaving on Sunday morning and it turned out to be an excellent choice. Only four passengers in a minibus with an informative local guide. The tour covered a large part of the island, including the coral Caribbean side and the shale, sand and clay Atlantic side. There are sugar plantations, sweet potatoes and a field of pigeon peas. Northern English readers might remember that back in the 1950s when there were travelling fairs, everyone used to eat black peas. No-one from anywhere else has ever heard of them (they are fairly disgusting, by the way). Well, black peas are reputed to be pigeon peas and Diva has seen them growing!!

Highlights included Hunte’s garden, dense tropical undergrowth in a collapsed cave. Very beautiful but a bit of a nightmare for Diva when the owner described the pack of Rottweilers and rescue c*ts he keeps on the premises. Mr Hunte’s family owned several plantations and now, at the age of 78, he spends his time developing this one as a garden.  Bathsheba is so called because the sea has so many white horses it is like the milk she used to bathe in. At St Nicholas Abbey, TSH and Diva watched a fascinating 1935 film about the plantations and tasted rum punch and rum. Passed the golf club where Simon Cowell used to stay before we bought him a Barbados home of his own.

The charming guide had a notice in the vehicle suggesting he was carrying a Glock pistol, so perhaps Diva’s fears about the crime rate are reasonable.

Animals spotted include several mongoose, large millipedes, large snail and lizards. Black bellied sheep were bred in Africa and carry no wool. Traditional British sheep die of heat exhaustion. The early indefinite sighting has now been put down as a monkey. Another monkey was seen today but it was captive and posing for pics so probably does not count.

Hotel

The Barbados Hilton is competent and comfortable but a bit 1970s soulless. Massive public spaces, which are a bit empty because the season has not got going yet. Weather very wet.

Birds spotted: Humming bird, sparrow, something with a yellow front.

Animals spotted: TSH saw a tail which might have been a monkey or mongoose. No polar bears, penguins or tigers yet.

Getting there

The Virgin Atlantic flight was excellent. It travelled safely and smoothly and the staff were charming. But 8 hours 40 minutes is a long time in Diva boredom terms. She decided to try out the entertainment system – something she hasn’t done for many years because of long forgotten issues. So … the headphones were Ok- nothing to go into the ear, which she hates. The first movie Diva and TSH tried was ‘Jersey Boys’, supposed to be excellent. But neither could understand the thick accents, so that didn’t last long. An old re-released Beatles tape was better, followed by a bit of Dolly Parton. But puzzles had been done and books briefly read and Diva needed to party. I know, this is like a bored toddler.

And then she found the games. But the touch screen was not great and needed a lot of prodding to spring into action. And then the Grumpy Old Man in front turned round and issued an instruction to stop banging his seat. No ‘please’ or ‘would  you mind?’ So Diva glared back, stopped playing games and festered. Now she couldn’t check the time or how long to landing. This GOM and partner had their seats pushed right back into TSH and Diva’s laps. Its like always getting to sit next to the crazy person on the bus.

But there was a control unit which Diva worked out could be removed from the seat back. But it didn’t work for all the functions. And she couldn’t get it docked again for fear of the GOM. And the top came off her pen, the spring sprang out and the bits rolled in all directions. Diva’s work station was littered with the debris of abandoned technology.

The beef stew came with mashed potato, which Diva does not like. The ‘butter’ was not real. The mid-flight snack was ice-cream, which Diva does not like.

Good bits of the day: A sole snowdrop in flower in the garden before departure. Excellent news in text from Techie Nerd.

Exciting

One week to go. Clothes planning started - Diva doesn't have enough clothes for really hot weather and its too late to buy. Hair and beauty appointments booked. Had yellow fever vaccination - just a scratch and even Diva not traumatised. Malaria tablets ready for action.

Going home

The last morning tour exceeded expectations. It went to the Mateus Rose house, as depicted on millions of bottles. Mateus Rose is now produced elsewhere but the house is impressive and the gardens attractive. Large butterflies everywhere.

TSH saw a preserved steam engine (not in steam) on display in Regua.

The flights back home are not appealing – Porto to Manchester via Frankfurt is just mad.

Cork oak

Lunch was taken at a winery, followed by a bakery and a visit to a museum. The bakery was an OCD’s nightmare. Tourists wandered around a grubby little shop, handling the bread, which was also appreciated by the flies. No samples crossed Diva’s lips. More interesting was the cooperative winery, where everything was stainless steel and shining clean. The guide, who was one of the plant managers, wore a t-shirt with a slogan on the back – “Follow me, I know where the wine is”. During these visits, many glasses of wine were tasted.

The roads in this area are steep, narrow, winding and with great drops to the side – sometimes without a wall, hedge or post between the road and the edge. The drivers really are very good and the vehicles are all brand new and owned by Viking.

By the side of the road were many cork oaks, some with red trunks, where the cork had been removed, and the guide explained that they were harvested every 8 or 9 years. Someone asked whether it killed the trees when the bark was removed!

The disembarkation briefing conveyed the usual information about coloured luggage tags, times of disembarkation and the dreaded gratuities (a crazy way of paying anybody for anything). One of the passengers, who had a flight booked from Lisbon, did not appear to appreciate that he was disembarking in Porto, did not have any arrangements to get to Lisbon and expected Viking to organise his transfer.

A confession

The only full day tour was to Salamanca in Spain, involving a steep climb out of the Douro valley and onto the central Spanish plateau. This was the day with the greatest potential to be extremely hot but fortunately the temperature never rose about 30 degrees, which was more than hot enough for Diva. The last time TSH and Diva experienced such a high temperature was above the Arctic Circle (see earlier entry here).  Salamanca is a beautiful old city with many of the buildings constructed from golden sandstone.

One of the 16^th century facades, with World Heritage accreditation, has been recently restored. The mason decided to get creative, so he added images such as himself eating an ice cream and an astronaut in a space suit. UNESCO are not happy but the mason said if they didn’t like it they could re-do it themselves. This is a new level of Diva-ish behaviour.

Lunch at a hotel included a flamenco performance which was so authentic that the singers led the Viking tour group (but not TSH and Diva, who would not admit to knowing the words) in a rousing chorus of ‘Viva Espana’, followed by ‘Volare’ (isn’t that Italian?).

Dinner was a barbecue on deck, involving flies on the food. Not as good as the served dinners.

Fauna spotted: Heron, black pigs, black bulls, black donkey, white cows, sheep, horses, storks nests (storks on vacation in Africa), many unidentified birds of prey.

Fauna not spotted: dragons, dinosaurs.

To tell the truth, they walked down the steps in Lamego, not up.

Old port

The morning sail produced the most dramatic views so far. Most of the landscape is rounded hills, with lines of olive trees, but this section has steep rocky cliffs. The afternoon tour was to Figueira de Castelo Rodrigo, an old hill town with steep streets. One of the features was the old Jewish quarter with some Moorish features, suggesting that Jews, Muslims and Christians lived together in harmony.

Before dinner was the ceremony of opening a bottle of vintage port, including heated tongs, cold water, broken glass and a decanter. Vintage port was served after dinner but it has a strange texture and a smoky taste. TSH and Diva prefer the cheap stuff.

We have light (but only when we want it)

At 8 am, the Torvil passed through a very deep lock with a 35m drop, followed by a number of low bridges. This meant that the radar was folded down, the side rails removed, the bridge compartment compressed and the sun-deck cover lowered almost to the level of the deck. Passengers were allowed to remain on the top deck as the low bridge passed close to their heads, although claustrophobe Diva retired below for a few minutes.

During the morning on board, Diva went to Reception to ask for written instructions for the lights. ‘It is not the Viking style’ – they prefer to explain things at check-in. Which they did not do. So the young receptionist accompanied Diva to the cabin and proceeded to press switches. But when Diva tried to repeat what he did, it did not always have the same effect. He assured her that no-one else on board had any problems. 30+ years in IT and Diva has lost her abilities. Or never had them in the first place. The young man provided enough clues that Diva was able to work out a few important principles. One, that operating the rocker switch in itself achieves nothing – your finger has to touch the small detector on the switch. Two, the dimmer only works as you switch on – you keep your finger on until you get the required level of dim. Trying to press it for this purpose later does not work. Three, switching off is not instantaneous. Patience (and Diva and TSH are not strong on this and when nothing immediately happened, were pressing other switches) is required and the lights go out after a few seconds. Simple.

Later, round the water cooler (well, the tea and coffee station), Diva discovered that most people either sleep with the lights on or remove the master card by the door which puts all the lights out. So its not just TSH and Diva, its almost everybody!! As usual, its only Diva who is prepared to ask questions.

TSH got a photo of a train (unfortunately not steam) travelling along the river bank.

There are swifts around and there were gulls in Porto but still no dragons, even little ones. TSH thinks he saw an eagle but a photograph will be submitted for expert confirmation.

The afternoon tour was to the interesting town of Lamego, where the main attraction was the shrine Nossa Senhora dos Remedios, situated at the top of an elaborate flight of over 600 steps. TSH and Diva walked all of them. Later there was a port tasting visit to the Sandeman’s cellar. Getting there involved a narrow steep road with many hair-pin bends and the bus over-hanging sheer drops. Not for the faint-hearted, and Diva mostly did not look. Another person on the wrong bus.

After dinner, excellent local folk singers performed. Their music was very similar to Scottish or Irish folk – the Celtic influence.

JK Rowling is just like Robin Hood

The local guide informed the group early in the tour of Porto that ‘The river is narrow here so you can cross on foot’!! The tour confirmed TSH and Diva’s impressions from an earlier visit that the city, which has some beautiful old buildings, needs a serious clean-up and restoration.

One of the sights pointed out was a bookshop where JKR completed ‘Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone’, and whose curving staircase inspired some of the descriptions of Hogwarts. She seems to be like Robin Hood and Bonnie Prince Charlie in that everywhere wants to claim a connection.

The tour finished with a visit to the Calem port house, and compulsory consumption of two glasses of port before returning to the Torvil for lunch.

The afternoon was spent on board, sailing to Bitetos. Dinner was taken at the Alpendurada     monastery, which has been converted to a hotel. A bit like a poussada, but a lot more investment needed to bring it properly up to standard. Because he knew the venue and views would be spectacular, TSH took his camera but unfortunately forgot to take an SD card, so no photographic record exists. Another good dinner, followed by Lisbon-style Fado, which is more dramatic.

Bats and termites

On the bus transfer to Porto, the lunch stop included a tour of Coimbra, Portugal’s oldest University town. The library (a beautiful old one and not the one students use today) is cleaned in a novel manner. All the wood carving is covered with plastic sheeting, a whistle is blown and then bats go about their work of eating the termites which are trying to eat the paper of the precious books. The guide claimed that this happens every morning, raising several questions. Where are the bats during the day? How do they find the time for all the covering and cleaning up? What is the whistle for?

The students in Coimbra appear to wear gowns more often than most students, but there is a suspicion that this is just for the tourists. Lunch included a Coimbra-style Fado performance.

On arrival at the boat, the Viking Torvil, there was very little time for unpacking and changing before the safety drill (very short), the daily briefing, the drinks reception and then dinner. Wine with meals is included in the package and the service is very generous, including a glass of port at the end of every dinner. Dinner was excellent.

After the meal, the captain took the boat for a short tour through Porto, to the Atlantic Ocean and back to the mooring space, giving everyone an opportunity to see the illuminated city and its many bridges of various vintages.

The boat is the newest in the fleet and everything is well designed and probably the result of much market research. Plenty of storage in the cabin, including a large wardrobe space. But the shower room is tiny and Diva (who really wants a bath) is struggling. The other issue is the complex light system. No light has a simple on/off switch and dimming processes are involved. The same sequence of switches does not appear always to give the same result. The lights were on all night because neither could work out how to switch them off. Over-engineered.

Tour of Lisbon

TSH and Diva were given orange tags to indicate which bus they were to travel on. They assumed that the bus would be marked as ‘orange’. But no. Miguel announced that orange tags meant bus C, giving the guests something else to remember and causing one woman to board the wrong bus after a stop and spend several minutes searching for the hat she had left on her seat. Not sure whether the people who open carried the colour tags at all times managed to make the translation to the alphabet. And then there was the guest who complained to the guide that her audio system was not working – easily rectified by plugging the earpiece into the receiver.The tour took in the monastery, Belem tower and the monument to the explorers, all of which were blogged here last year. Lunch was taken in the peace and quiet of the hotel bar, before a walk into the city in the (relative) cool of the late afternoon.

Three lots of luck at Manchester Airport

1.      1. Sausage butties for breakfast.

2. 2.      When Diva knocked the milk (which neither wanted) across the table and nearby floor, it missed both clothes and shoes.

3.      3. The flight left before two RAF jets escorted a passenger jet into the airport (bomb hoax), causing delayed and diverted flights for some time.

The Viking transfer to the Lisbon Tivoli went smoothly and the hotel room is smart and comfortable. Diva was not impressed at the ‘briefing’ when Miguel announced that the trip to the tile museum was cancelled because of too few bookings. TSH and Diva had agreed to book this but had not been given any opportunity to organise it. However, the following day, one guest was heard to announce that ‘it was the best briefing he had attended for some time’. Surely ironic. But everybody got a glass of sherry. Lots of nice friendly fellow travellers, including two from Cuddington met on the plane.

The shared pizza was so large that Diva just ate the topping from part of it and TSH left a slice of his share. Surely a first!!

: 

Last day of holiday

Tai Chi on deck again, in almost complete isolation. Balance is much easier, in spite of the vibration of the engines and the gusty wind. Excellent lecture from Peter Crimes, who has researched the mutiny on the Bounty, and has discovered that Captain Bligh was a fair and reputable captain and Fletcher Christian the disreputable one. He had found that the cause was drugs and women. From the pics and description of Pitcairn, the wonder is that anyone goes there or still lives there.

The English pub theme in the bar at lunch time involved a long queue, so TSH and Diva went to the usual buffet, where there were fish and chips but they had forgotten to provide chips!! This meant they missed the singalong – the only one they heard was ‘slow boat to China’, which is not the right era for two children of the sixties.

Time to pack for home!!

Harald the Fair Hair

The reception at this port was special, with a jazz band playing on the quayside and a local who wasn’t linked to them providing an impromptu dance display. The shore concierge told TSH and Diva that another local had requested access to the Silver Cloud because he was designing a cruise-ship themed space rocket. On being told that access was not possible because of security, he replied that it was OK as he was Jesus Christ.

This turned out to be one of the best excursions. A slow drive through the town was followed by a visit to a church which was built on the site of a Viking centre. A nearby museum, very new, was built into the rock so that it did not interfere too much with the landscape. Its introductory film related the story of Harald the Fair Hair, who united Norway when Guida said she would not marry him until he was king of a large country. The guides to these attractions, who spoke excellent English, were dressed as Vikings. The guide for the whole excursion, a German woman, was looking forward to that evening’s World Cup final. The final visit was to the Norwegian National monument.

Fact about Norway: There are rules about flag flying outside private houses. The full national flag can only be shown on a day of national importance or when a resident has a birthday, christening or marriage. The smaller triangular pennant can be flown at all times but must be taken down by specified times, which differ with the seasons. Hagesund only has one set of traffic lights and a bus station which was intended to be a railway station for a line that never happened.

Seen on excursion: Llamas, sheep (with bells round their necks), cows, Shetland pony

Dried cod and a tough old bird

Mist meant that the most scenic part of the tour was a little spoiled, although it was obvious that the Atlantic Road would provide excellent views. However, for the visit to the staved church (one of only 28 remaining) at Kvernes, the weather was much improved and the fjord below was visible in all directions. This tour included two under-sea tunnels – one of 3.5km and one of over 5Km, which went to a depth of 250 m. New tunnels and bridges are subject to tolls until they have been paid for, after which they are free.

Animals spotted included cows (no mattresses), horses, sheep (with and without horns) and two kinds of deer.

The excursion bus stopped suddenly in the middle of the road, on a steep narrow bend. This was because an elderly woman had fallen out of her motorised scooter and needed help to climb back in. She was OK and it turned out that she had not been knocked over, or failed to navigate the difficult road. She was there because she was weeding the outside of her garden and had leaned over so far that she had fallen out. This was reminiscent of TSH’s elderly mother, who doesn’t know when to rest and whose doctor says she’s a ‘tough old bird’.

The shore concierge, who is from West Kirby, presented TSH and Diva with a CD of light classical music, as a memento. Browsing the ship’s shop for jewellery has so far been unproductive.

Factoid: Main exports from Norway are gas, oil, fish and stone.

The chef’s special dish was bacalao, which is made with the dried cod which is to be seen on drying frames all over the fjords. TSH was brave enough to try it and said it tasted a bit like fish and chips and vinegar. Diva tried very hard to order a meal without cream or mashed potato but was still treated to a ‘butter sauce’ with added cream. She has spoken to the chef about the cream which is added to everything without mention on the menu but he was not very sympathetic. And mashed potato is baby food – good for Dinosaur but not for grown-ups like Diva.

The sea is still beautifully calm – no cushions have needed to be squashed into the glasses cupboard. In the port at Kristiansund, Midnatsol appeared. This is the Hurtigruten ship on which TSH and Diva made their maiden voyage in 2005.

Notes on Norway

The arrangements for buying wine in Norway would not suit TSH and DIVA. It is sold only in government-run Vinmonoplet shops, which are not only extremely expensive but which have such restrictive opening hours that people have to take a half-day holiday from work to buy a bottle of wine.

Surprisingly, none of the local guides have been Norwegian, and a Pole, Italian and Croatian have been encountered.

For those who doubt the cows and mattress story, here is a link: http://www.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/1u4bv0/til_by_norwegian_law_every_cow_has_its_own/  

The morning at sea included an interesting lecture on Copenhagen, followed by a cookery competition between the head chef and the maître d’ (it was a draw). This was enlivened by a general power cut, the ship lurching and the engines stopping. The captain came on the intercom to apologise and say that ‘it would be all OK’, which did not help Diva’s anxiety levels much. Fortunately the situation did not last long.

Alta

The sail in and out of Alta is beautiful – classic fjord scenery with mountains, waterfalls and cliffs. On the way in, a Tai Chi session received applause from passing guests. On the way out, Diva saw black shapes emerging from the water, which could have been seals, dolphins or whales. Lunch on deck, including beer and burgers, was very rushed as TSH and Diva had misread the schedule and thought they were going out at 14:30 rather than the actual 12:30. Diva also managed to mislay her camera, missing the chance to photograph during the excursion, although it was found later on.

There were three destinations. The cathedral was modern inside and out – like an updated and smaller version of the RC cathedral in Liverpool. The theme is the Northern lights, whose general shape is represented both inside and out. The rock carvings (on the UNESCO list) were extensive and easy to pick out, if not always to interpret. They appear to represent a hunting community, depicting their homes, boats and prey, including whales, fish and reindeer.  The third visit was to a slate quarry, with a demonstration of splitting cutting and trimming a large slab of stone. The demonstrator said that the day was so hot that he would remember it throughout the long dark winter (about 9 months of the year at this latitude which is still above the Arctic Circle).

Oh, yes, the weather. The temperature was about 29 degrees C and the Norwegian buses did not have air conditioning which could cope. There was a lot of complaining, mostly from the US guests, and one group were given a new bus. TSH and Diva were in the group for which no other bus was available and the journey, although short, was uncomfortable. The rock carvings were on a hill-side with no shade and there was a requirement to walk what seemed like a considerable distance in the heat. The quarry was home to swarms of insects, including wasps, so vigilance was needed at all times. Some guests though the wasps were a threat to life, others that they were bees and the bringers of life. The shower on return to the ship was the most welcome yet, followed by champagne on deck.

Murmansk

The sea has been relatively smooth – much more so than for the exciting transatlantic voyage in Autumn 2013 – despite there being nothing between the Silver Cloud and the North Pole. The morning tour was ‘Highlights of Murmansk and the Oceanarium’. Murmansk does not really have highlights and all the buildings appeared to be in a poor state of repair and there were packs of apparently feral dogs everywhere. Some passengers touched them, which appalled Diva as they probably had fleas and rabies, and others were concerned about their welfare. There were visits to statues, monuments and a church. The Oceanarium was just performing seals but there were grey seals, bearded seals and arctic seals , including one that was almost 27 years old. The bus was in a poor state of repair – the folding table in front of Diva wouldn’t fold away properly and the bottom step was like a springboard, feeling very unsafe.

The afternoon departure was delayed first by one guest having failed to carry out the proper procedures – he had kept his passport instead of leaving it with Russian immigration officials. When that was resolved, the ship’s engineer discovered a faulty engine part, which caused another hour’s delay. But the eventual sail away was interesting, with several out-of-service nuclear powered ice breakers along the waterfront. This meant that Diva, who was inexplicably very hungry, missed afternoon tea. TSH wasn’t hungry or bothered.

The morning in Murmansk felt very cold – vest, fleece and windbreak needed but by the afternoon it felt much more pleasant.

Archangel

Sailing along the north coast of Russia, there was a slightly choppier sea and a temperature drop to 4 degrees C. Tai Chi on deck was not possible in these conditions, but there was a session the next morning, as the visa arrangements were that guests were only allowed to leave the ship on organised tours.

An afternoon tour produced the usual confusion of ‘counting the people on the tour’. The Silversea lecturer counted one number in English and the Russian guide achieved a different number in Russian. Despite many counts, reconciliation never occurred. TSH and Diva were sure that the discrepancy was because there were no clear guidelines about whether lecturers, guides and drivers were included or not.

The terrain in this region is much flatter than so far experienced on this voyage but it was relatively warm (18 degrees C), so much so that the local buses travelled with their front grilles open for ventilation. The tour went to Malye Korely – an outdoor museum of buildings brought from across the region. Women in traditional dress greet visitors with bread and salt and then point out interesting features.  The well-fed Silver Cloud guests turned down the offer of the remainder of the bread to have as a snack on the coach back to the pier. The bell-ringing seems very different from in the UK, where one person rings each bell and it looks like hard work. The bells must be much lighter, because one person rings them all – one rope is attached to each finger!! Liberal application of repellent meant that there were no bites from the many vicious-looking insects.

On return to Silver Cloud, there were compulsory tea and cakes provided by the butler. He may be less obliging from now on because of the damage wreaked by TSH when the table collapsed, knocking the orchid plant over whilst he was removing his contact lens. He held the lens in one hand, whilst trying to save the plant with the other. The lens is OK but the plant – and the carpet – may never be the same again.

Silver Cloud’s visit was featured on local TV and people, including a street saxophonist, came to look at what must be a rare cruise ship visit. The sail-away at 23:00 was attended by what looked like half the town.

North Cape

As TSH and Diva were not invited to the US July 4^th party, they had dinner in La Terrazza with guests from Perth, Australia. This was very lively, as there was great consternation that well travelled people from the UK had never been to Australia, in spite of having visited Singapore and this was taken as a great insult. The evening was further enlivened by the sounds of the US fireworks and the beautiful sight of many snow covered mountains on both sides of the fjord. It does not ever go dark at this latitude.

The North Cape is the most northerly point on the European land mass, an interesting point for debate as it is an island and there are more northerly islands. The scenery around it is different from further south – the mountains are not so high and the peaks are rounded instead of jagged but they are very sheer in places so that there are splendid cliffs. Surprisingly, it was not too cold and during the walk round the harbour, TSH had to shed a layer or two. There was quite a collection of small fishing boats, some of which had racks of drying fish on board.

The excursions – not participated in on this occasion - were reported to be very good, with sightings of 10 sea eagles and many puffins.

Venetian Society night, a formal dinner, produced the information that the most regular guests on board had sailed with Silversea for nearly 500 days – more than twice as many as TSH and Diva. Dinner was at the Hotel Director’s table and other guests included two who lived for many years in Bamford, close to Heywood, which is Diva’s birth place.

There is a two hour time difference between North Cape and Archangel and the adjustment was made by having one hour change overnight and one in the middle of the afternoon – a unique and strange choice.

Ship stories

At dinner, TSH and Diva nearly always get a table for two near the windows, and were a bit surprised to be taken to the middle of the restaurant with no view. But they supposed everybody needed a turn at the windows. There seemed to be a deep conversation happening at the maître d’s desk and soon the maître –not the usual one – approached apologetically to say that he had instruction (from the usual maître ) to reserve a special table at the window for TSH and Diva, that he had not recognised them and that he would like to provide a personal escort to the nicer table. This counts as major recognition and specially good treatment.

On a rainy afternoon in Tromso, it was possible to sit at a table in a deserted room so that TSH could photoshop and Diva could spread out her dissertation papers. This is not a crowded ship (although its almost full) and hardly anybody even walked through the room.

On a more gloomy note, when TSH’s laundry was returned, one or two small items were missing but he’s not sure he wants them back if someone else has had them in the meantime.

The weather was rainy and misty, so the morning walk through Tromso was not prolonged, but took in views of the cathedral, churches, the town hall and the magnificent modern public library. One of the shops appeared to contain a polar bear, tossing its head and growling fiercely, but this may have been a model. Diva saw a stuffed crow sitting on a fence and went very close to it, impressed by the realistic glint in its eyes. She was terrified when the live crow moved.

Arctic Adventures

Fortunately, crossing the Arctic Circle was nothing like last time. Hurtigruten hold a ceremony with Neptune putting ice down people’s tops. TSH and Diva were shocked and did not join in. No party, no ceremony, no Greek Gods this time.

The early morning call was too late for TSH, who got up at 05:30 in a frenzy of expectation to watch the arrival and docking. Diva was not well pleased when the bath plug (one of those with a plunger) did not work and there was no proper bath, in spite of using many gallons of excess water. And then when en-suite breakfast was delivered, the butler had forgotten her bread roll, although this was quickly put right.

TSH’s early venture on deck delivered the useful information that it was quite warm and both changed to lighter clothes. Silver Cloud docked but Voyager had to anchor in the bay and use the tenders.

The Lofoten Islands matched expectations. The scenery is a bit like Greenland with much less snow and no icebergs or whales to be seen. But plenty of rocky jagged peaks. And coral beaches!! It was not known until the sixties or seventies that coral could survive at these latitudes. Lots of oyster catchers and lupins. None of the cows had mattresses. The cod drying frames were empty except for the heads, which were awaiting export to Africa.

Lunch was the second pizza of the holiday and the second with no red wine, which is normally ‘the law’. TSH was so full he did not have pudding but Diva had cherry clafoutis.

First sail away of the voyage where TSH and Diva drank champagne on deck.

Aquavit and Academia

Dinner included a trio of smoked salmons and Diva cautiously drank the Aquavit served with it, surprised that she liked it as normally she doesn’t ‘do’ spirits. Very strong, so little or no wine that night. At the cookery demonstration the next day, the chef claimed that all Aquavit crosses the equator twice to improve the flavour. The demo covered a Thai curry which may get made at back at home and a Norwegian venison dish which would require modification as it contained cream and was undercooked for Diva and TSH’s taste. TSH and Diva stayed up late, well 23:00, to watch Kashena Sampson’s show. They have seen her before and enjoy her mixture of folk and country singing. She is about to release her first album, including some of her own songs.

The lecturer, Dr Peter Crimes, is excellent, both for knowledge and presentation. He is from Chester and was studying at Liverpool University when Diva worked there in the computer lab.

On a day at sea, Tai Chi was harder than usual because of the wind and the ship’s movement. A woman who looked Asian was also doing Tai Chi, but hers was from a different tradition. Later, both put in a long hard shift proof-reading Diva’s Leonard Cohen dissertation.

A couple of things Silver Cloud got wrong: The Captain said the forecast was for ‘moderate to rough’ seas, but fortunately this did not happen.  They don’t know how to make an omelette ‘well done’.

Fjords and burgers

Today did not go to plan. A short excursion was cancelled due to lack of numbers but this had the benefit that there was no 7:30 departure and the start to the day was more leisurely. Plan B was thwarted when, after a few minutes queuing for the tender, the Captain announced that service was temporarily suspended to allow the ship to move. This was to allow space for MSC Orchestra and Celebrity Infinity, which turned up just after Silver Cloud had taken prime position at the head of the fjord. Since ‘all aboard’ was 10:30, it was no longer worth the journey into Geiranger. So the morning was spent on deck, Tai Chi training and observing the magnificent fjord, with its mountains and waterfalls. Lunch was also outdoors – the first Silversea burger of the holiday, accompanied by a rare lunch-time beer for TSH.

The afternoon stop allowed time for a short walk around Hellesylt (pop. < 100). This boasts a factory outlet shop, waterfalls and a Sherlock Holmes pub. Do they know that these are not the right waterfalls? The pub had a dragon motif on its roof trim but the reason for this is unknown. A wild aquilegia was seen on the river bank.

Cows and dragons

Up at 06:00 to prepare for excursion to mountains, waterfalls and fjords around Bergen. Pampering was taken to a whole new level when the butler appeared to ask if help with the luggage was needed. Diva was devastated. Was it the last day? Did she have to leave Silver Cloud? Had she missed the cruise? He meant help with any bag being taken on the day trip. But what is the point of trying to take something you need a butler for?

Trains were seen when leaving Bergen, which pleased TSH. He was less pleased when lunch happened at 11:00. An early lunch is the norm at home but on tours it quite often doesn’t happen until 14:00. So he’d got up early, eaten a huge breakfast and could not really do justice to the excellent buffet lunch, although he did manage 6 kinds of herrings.

A visit to a ‘staved’ church in the afternoon produced the first sight of dragons, which were used to decorate the roof. Apparently the churches were designed using a fusion of Christian and Norse tradition.

A squirrel, which was probably red, ran across the road in front of the bus.

There is a law in Norway which states that all cows have to sleep on mattresses. Farmers were reluctant to invest in this improvement, but apparently it has been shown to have a significant positive effect on milk yields. The guide said that Google would confirm this bizarre fact.  But how do you get a cow to sleep on a mattress? Is there a new profession? Cowmattressfacilitator? (joined together because Norwegian is constructed like German).

Stavanger

This is a very sociable voyage. The maître d’ appeared at breakfast to welcome TSH and Diva and some of the new best friends have issued an invitation to dine with them. The shore concierge, who is from the Wirral, wants to meet them ‘for a pint’.

The afternoon was spent touring Stavanger. No monkey and plywood violin (try Google) but in the old town there was a sculpture featuring a monkey, a saxophone, a parrot and a top hat. A visit to an Iron Age settlement included sitting inside a Long House, hearing about the hard life they had. Specifically, how they made garments, which involved spinning thousands of miles of yarn, weaving and then dyeing. Some colours were more difficult, and hence more in demand, than others. Blue was special but needed a lot of bodily fluids, obtained by throwing a party and providing lots of beer. Purple was the best and richest, which fits with it being Diva’s favourite.

The petroleum museum, a fantastic building partly built of granite and part of which looks like an oil storage tank, needed much more time than was allocated. There were displays of all the elements of the oil industry including scale models of rigs, life rafts, a diving bell and drill bits.

Dinner was arctic chard (TSH) and lobster (Diva). TSH started with one of his favourites – artichoke assiette.

No trains, whales, eagles or dragons yet.

Getting on the ship

Breakfast at the Thon Bristol was extremely good although neither tried the brown Norwegian cheese. Each had tried it many years ago and didn’t like it, retried a few years ago in sophisticated maturity (like the cheese?) and still didn’t like it so didn’t try this time. The sweet herrings and the mustard herrings were both excellent, which cheered TSH up after his struggle to shave in a basin with no plug (the bathroom was otherwise, modern, pleasant and functional).

A morning walk before embarkation around the harbour allowed time to see the new development of stylish apartments and museums which look like they have been built on reclaimed land. There were hooded crows and black headed gulls as well as mallards there.

The 15 minute taxi ride from hotel to port cost over £20!!

The Silver Cloud sailed out of the Oslo fjord in dry but cold misty weather.  TSH and Diva have been greeted by name by crew who have met them before and did not need to provide names or numbers for the safety drill as the person on the door knew them. This is what a second home is like. But the travel alarms have both got flat batteries – not good for control freaks.

Other characters have asked to feature in this blog. TSH has two grown up children. Bird Lady is married to Bat Man and their 6-month old child is Dinosaur. Techie Nerd is planning to marry Cake Lady during 2015. The names might provide clues to some of the regular themes of the blog.

Oslo

TSH and Diva have arrived in Oslo to await the departure of their next Silversea cruise. Two large suitcases, one small(er) and two pieces of carry-on are essential for such an expedition. During the packing process, Diva had to swap an evening top.She had carefully rolled (to prevent creases) a batch of clothes together and then stood on it, breaking a delicate Mother of Pearl button. Bring back plastic! This is going to mean new buttons and a trip to the wonderful local lady who does alterations. Replacing buttons is definitely an alteration.

Bacon butties in the airport lounge in Manchester and an excellent chicken sandwich on the SAS flight.

The flight was enlivened by a large group of men from Cumbria who seemed to have indulged at the airport. Their ages were such that they should have known better than to be quite so noisy. TSH recognised the accents immediately, as he comes from there himself. But normally Cumbrians are known for not speaking much (except for Cumbrian grunts) and maybe this lot should have stayed true to type.  They were overheard asking one young Asian woman: 'Are you Chinese? Do you know Kung Fu?' Embarrassment all round.  Fortunately she was polite and seemed not to take his stereotyping to heart.

Airport to hotel was by airport bus, which stopped only 100 yards from the hotel.

Oslo is a grand but walkable city and an hour or so was enough to see the Royal Palace, University, National Theatre, Town Hall, Parliament, Cathedral and Central Station.

Dinner was pizza, no booze and cost over £40 at a street cafe. Only eclipsed by £8 on two small bottles of water from a kiosk. Roll-on the all-inclusive cruise!!