Cows and dragons

Up at 06:00 to prepare for excursion to mountains, waterfalls and fjords around Bergen. Pampering was taken to a whole new level when the butler appeared to ask if help with the luggage was needed. Diva was devastated. Was it the last day? Did she have to leave Silver Cloud? Had she missed the cruise? He meant help with any bag being taken on the day trip. But what is the point of trying to take something you need a butler for?

Trains were seen when leaving Bergen, which pleased TSH. He was less pleased when lunch happened at 11:00. An early lunch is the norm at home but on tours it quite often doesn’t happen until 14:00. So he’d got up early, eaten a huge breakfast and could not really do justice to the excellent buffet lunch, although he did manage 6 kinds of herrings.

A visit to a ‘staved’ church in the afternoon produced the first sight of dragons, which were used to decorate the roof. Apparently the churches were designed using a fusion of Christian and Norse tradition.

A squirrel, which was probably red, ran across the road in front of the bus.

There is a law in Norway which states that all cows have to sleep on mattresses. Farmers were reluctant to invest in this improvement, but apparently it has been shown to have a significant positive effect on milk yields. The guide said that Google would confirm this bizarre fact.  But how do you get a cow to sleep on a mattress? Is there a new profession? Cowmattressfacilitator? (joined together because Norwegian is constructed like German).

Stavanger

This is a very sociable voyage. The maître d’ appeared at breakfast to welcome TSH and Diva and some of the new best friends have issued an invitation to dine with them. The shore concierge, who is from the Wirral, wants to meet them ‘for a pint’.

The afternoon was spent touring Stavanger. No monkey and plywood violin (try Google) but in the old town there was a sculpture featuring a monkey, a saxophone, a parrot and a top hat. A visit to an Iron Age settlement included sitting inside a Long House, hearing about the hard life they had. Specifically, how they made garments, which involved spinning thousands of miles of yarn, weaving and then dyeing. Some colours were more difficult, and hence more in demand, than others. Blue was special but needed a lot of bodily fluids, obtained by throwing a party and providing lots of beer. Purple was the best and richest, which fits with it being Diva’s favourite.

The petroleum museum, a fantastic building partly built of granite and part of which looks like an oil storage tank, needed much more time than was allocated. There were displays of all the elements of the oil industry including scale models of rigs, life rafts, a diving bell and drill bits.

Dinner was arctic chard (TSH) and lobster (Diva). TSH started with one of his favourites – artichoke assiette.

No trains, whales, eagles or dragons yet.

Getting on the ship

Breakfast at the Thon Bristol was extremely good although neither tried the brown Norwegian cheese. Each had tried it many years ago and didn’t like it, retried a few years ago in sophisticated maturity (like the cheese?) and still didn’t like it so didn’t try this time. The sweet herrings and the mustard herrings were both excellent, which cheered TSH up after his struggle to shave in a basin with no plug (the bathroom was otherwise, modern, pleasant and functional).

A morning walk before embarkation around the harbour allowed time to see the new development of stylish apartments and museums which look like they have been built on reclaimed land. There were hooded crows and black headed gulls as well as mallards there.

The 15 minute taxi ride from hotel to port cost over £20!!

The Silver Cloud sailed out of the Oslo fjord in dry but cold misty weather.  TSH and Diva have been greeted by name by crew who have met them before and did not need to provide names or numbers for the safety drill as the person on the door knew them. This is what a second home is like. But the travel alarms have both got flat batteries – not good for control freaks.

Other characters have asked to feature in this blog. TSH has two grown up children. Bird Lady is married to Bat Man and their 6-month old child is Dinosaur. Techie Nerd is planning to marry Cake Lady during 2015. The names might provide clues to some of the regular themes of the blog.

Oslo

TSH and Diva have arrived in Oslo to await the departure of their next Silversea cruise. Two large suitcases, one small(er) and two pieces of carry-on are essential for such an expedition. During the packing process, Diva had to swap an evening top.She had carefully rolled (to prevent creases) a batch of clothes together and then stood on it, breaking a delicate Mother of Pearl button. Bring back plastic! This is going to mean new buttons and a trip to the wonderful local lady who does alterations. Replacing buttons is definitely an alteration.

Bacon butties in the airport lounge in Manchester and an excellent chicken sandwich on the SAS flight.

The flight was enlivened by a large group of men from Cumbria who seemed to have indulged at the airport. Their ages were such that they should have known better than to be quite so noisy. TSH recognised the accents immediately, as he comes from there himself. But normally Cumbrians are known for not speaking much (except for Cumbrian grunts) and maybe this lot should have stayed true to type.  They were overheard asking one young Asian woman: 'Are you Chinese? Do you know Kung Fu?' Embarrassment all round.  Fortunately she was polite and seemed not to take his stereotyping to heart.

Airport to hotel was by airport bus, which stopped only 100 yards from the hotel.

Oslo is a grand but walkable city and an hour or so was enough to see the Royal Palace, University, National Theatre, Town Hall, Parliament, Cathedral and Central Station.

Dinner was pizza, no booze and cost over £40 at a street cafe. Only eclipsed by £8 on two small bottles of water from a kiosk. Roll-on the all-inclusive cruise!!

Bugs, birds, and botany

Off to the RSPB reserve at South Stack. The trusty satnav, Emily, took TSH and Diva on a clever short-cut which involved grass in the middle of the road and hedges scraping the car on both sides. The lighthouse was closed because Pinewood studios are filming, but no movie stars appeared. The Peregrine Falcon chick was clearly seen on its second  day of flight but two puffins could only be seen properly with the aid of a friendly twitcher's telescope. The previous day, the falcons had eaten two puffins for lunch. An intensive search for choughs was carried out by the zoologists in the party, but none were located although smaller birds, including stonechat were seen. There were numerous wildflowers and a red flying bug. The zoologists were consulted about this and they confirmed that it was a 'red flying bug'.

TSH thought that the Coronation Turkey baked potato would be a step too far so he had a turkey sandwich instead. TSH and Diva allowed themselves a cake because of all the fresh air and walking, They had tiffin, which is a no-cook cake with broken biscuits and raisins covered with melted chocolate and then chilled.

Off to RSPB Valley, next to the RAF station, which is much smaller and does not have any facilities. Just one path, which led to a stile, a field of wild horses and another stile. Diva did not like the look of this at all and persuaded everyone that the best thing to do was to return the same route. A later check on the map suggested that this was a wise decision.

Seen during the walk: marsh orchids, flag irises and swans. Other birds were often heard but rarely seen, but the over-riding noise came from the Hawk fighter jets overhead.

As there was no England match, dinner was served promptly and the wine had to be paid for.

Dinosaur's first train ride

TSH, anxious that his grandson learns good habits early, persuaded everyone to take a trip on the Welsh Highland steam railway. Very scenic for the grown-ups and fascinating for someone who couldn't quite believe the way the world was flashing by the windows. His mother sang 'Going on a Train' and he had his photo taken with the engine.

Lunch involved another Coronation chicken baked potato for TSH and a strange crab salad for Diva. Other members of the party compared fish and chips with the previous day. The afternoon was spent at Caernarvon Castle. It was so warm that Diva had a rare ice-cream. TSH took Dinosaur for a walk over the bridge and managed to return before the bridge opened to let a boat through.

In the evening, the service at dinner was so slow that Diva complained about missing the England v Uruguay kick-off, so the pub made the wine complementary. The England v Uruguay match was a great disappointment and hopes are dashed til Euro 2016.

Off to Anglesey!!

An early start for TSH and Diva, who were meeting other family members in Beaumaris. So no kick-off English breakfast before setting off. So Diva was looking forward to the canapes and drinks which would doubtless be on offer on the promised boat trip. But trips round Puffin Island turned out not to be like that. Tiny boat, minimal safety drill, no torches and absolutely no drinks or canapes. And the only dog on board sat next to Diva.

The trip was rough in places and the island was shrouded in mist for part of the time. The driver kept saying he had never known the weather like this. So Diva did the trip in freak weather conditions. But it was possible to see porpoises (the best bit), seals, the rare black guillemot and one puffin (Diva missed this one because of keeping a wary eye on the dog).

The entry into Beaumaris started badly when the car was cut up at the entry to the car park and Diva said a rude word. And the in-laws were in the next car and can lip-read. And told Diva what she had said.

Diva ordered a salad lunch to be healthy but when it arrived it was mainly meat. Which was great but not the healthy option. TSH continued his global comparison of Coronation Chicken baked potatoes.

After lunch, everybody walked around Beaumaris Castle, where the two grannies (Diva is a kind of honorary granny in spite of not being old enough) tried to keep the young one happy in his push chair. Partial success on this one.

Booking into the hotel (well, Premier Inn, but at least they do what it says on the tin) was not TSH's finest hour. Turned out he had paid in advance for breakfasts. And in the car was bread, cheeses and fruit for breakfasts.

Diva decided to give her asthma inhaler a rare wash. The basin plug was a disc which could be rotated around its central axis to let the water out. And the inhaler cap got stuck under the disc and wouldn't go down and wouldn't come out. And the water wouldn't flow out properly. So Premier Inn had to call a plumber.

The TV was switched on but  then the remote ran out of battery so it wouldn't go off. Reception to the rescue again!!