Late, late, late

Diva is not good with the unexpected, especially when it involves time-keeping. 4 hours late docking in Portsmouth, 3.5 hours late leaving the Spirit of Discovery and 4 hours later than expected arriving home. So when the assistant cruise director decided to 'entertain' the guests waiting in their designated lounge, it did not go well. He told a series of misogynistic jokes and Diva used a loud voice to inform the people around her that this was totally unacceptable and the root of unequal pay and opportunity. She was gratified to find several people nodding and voicing agreement. He would not have dared to make the equivalent racist jokes and although he will not change his behaviour she has sowed the seed of objection in at least a few peoples' minds.

Portsmouth disembarkation was long and tedious and they had to transport their own luggage over quite a distance. Very unlike Dover, where there were many porters with trolleys to assist. 

Not a good last day. TSH was so tired when he got home that he forgot to check whether the wood-chippings he had ordered to be laid in the garden were in place or not. (They were)

TSH would like it recorded that he tried most of the ice cream flavours available - lemon curd, mince pie, rocky road.

Later and later

The third formal night offered the usual good dinner and both TSH and Diva ate beef wellington and crepes suzettes. The previous night in East meets West, TSH gave lessons in beer pouring. The waiter hurled (no other word for it) the beer into the glass so that the foam head filled the space. He then went to fetch a spoon and had to be stopped from removing the foam!! TSH demonstrated the correct method of pouring gently against the side of the glass but was unconvinced that the waiter really understood. 

Lost in translation .... Some guests had a problem with the rubber seal on the balcony door and rang to say there was a draught. 'So there is a problem with the air-conditioning?' 'No, the rubber seal has perished'. 'Your door is broken?' 'No, it is just the seal'. First the air-conditioning engineer arrived and then the joiner, before they rang Reception to contact the door seal expert.

TSH and Diva are beginning to understand why the ship has been moving comparatively slowly and why the Captain has been so cautious in denying access to the upper decks. During the rough passage a few nights ago, a freak wave hit the ship and many guests were thrown to the floor on Deck 12. Broken hip, broken femur ......... Saga clearly do not want to risk a repetition.

The Bay of Biscay - in both directions - has been completely smooth.

The horses have been encouraged to sail as fast as possible but they are not able to reach Portsmouth for the planned docking time of around 7:00. The new plan is for arrival in Portsmouth around 11:00, with TSH and Diva disembarking around mid-day. So Diva's hopes of an afternoon at home with the washing machine are dashed. And the Sainsbury order is rescheduled for Thursday. 

Helping to drive the ship

 With improved (but not entirely smooth) weather conditions, the bridge tour was able to take place. TSH and Diva were instructed not to disturb the officers, not to interrupt the explanations and above all not to touch anything. When it was time for questions, there were several pointed ones about how collisions were avoided and how much damage the ship sustained during the serious incident in the Bay of Biscay about 2 years ago. The incident is still the subject of an inquiry and the officer quite rightly refused to discuss it. The Captain interjected to say that maybe they could ask the Captain who was in charge of the ship at the time - a neat way of making it quite clear that it was not him. 

Data that was provided indicated that the ship's tolerance for swell was around 9m. Also that the ship has 7m below the water and 49m above. The Spirit of Discovery is going into dry dock soon in order to be in top condition for TSH and Diva's next cruise in July.

The officer cleared up something TSH and Diva have always wondered about. When a pilot is onboard, it is in an advisory capacity and the Captain still has responsibility for the ship, the crew and the guests and hence has the final say. 

Because of strong headwinds, the Spirit of Discovery is proceeding slower than is ideal and contingency plans are being made for a late arrival in Portsmouth. TSH and Diva hope that these plans are not needed. They are scheduled to leave at the ship at 8:20 and have booked a late afternoon Sainsbury's delivery. The Captain has instructed the Chief Engineer to make all his horses run as fast as possible.

TSH ate Manchester Tart at dinner. Diva has always lived within a few miles of Manchester and has never heard of it. 

Weather woes

 The first sign of trouble was the phone call from Reception explaining that their Sunday afternoon bridge visit was postponed 'because of expected weather conditions'. Then the Captain announced that there would be 24 hours of choppy seas and he was closing the restaurant and lounge on the higher decks. Then the movements of the ship started, so it was difficult to walk around. Guests with cabins on the higher decks had items broken because of the sudden lurches. After 24 hours, the Captain extended the restrictions because the headwinds had slowed progress through the weather system. TSH and Diva have good sea legs and plenty of stugeron. 

The precautions are probably because of a number of injuries during the choppy seas a few days ago. A former Captain in the Merchant Navy fell and injured his back and there are rumours of a broken hip. 

The restaurant manager is often at the entrance to greet TSH and Diva and sometimes escorts them personally to their table. 

Fish with bananas

In the morning, the Captain once more apologised for the weather being rougher than he had predicted. 'Have a drink on me! - as long as it is from the complementary selection'. 

The Restaurant Manager approached TSH and Diva at breakfast to check that all was well. He pointed out that there would be a Portuguese buffet in the evening at the Grill restaurant. This would be difficult for TSH because of his sight problems, so they were assured that pasteis de nata - a favourite of theirs - would be delivered to their table in the Grand Dining Room. It will be interesting to discover if the waiters in the GDR are aware of this special arrangement. The waiters are taking great care of them. Perhaps they appreciated Diva being very discreet when she was breakfasting with the Restaurant Manager and she had to point out that they had brought her the wrong kind of tea.

Like the Canary Islands,  Madeira is volcanic, with dramatic mountains, but its vegetation is much more luxuriant. On the quayside, there is a prominent museum dedicated to Cristiano Ronaldo (a footballer). On the excursion, the guide explained that fish cooked with bananas was a very popular local dish. TSH and Diva were served with Poncha - a traditional Madeira drink based on rum - at 10:00 in the morning.

It is disappointing that so far on this voyage there have been no sightings of whales or dolphins. But there were many camels on Tenerife - their job was to take tourists up the mountain. TSH and Diva did not ride on a camel.

Bananas and Potatoes

 TSH and Diva watched the sail-away from Tenerife in order to get a good view of the dramatic rocky scenery. The departure was, unusually, assisted by a tug because of the strong winds. The captain announced that the Spirit of Discovery would be taking a short detour into international waters in order to 'feed the fish'. 

In Santa Cruz de La Palma, they took a short tour which gave Diva a white-knuckle ride along the twisty mountain roads with steep unfenced drops at the side. They had good views of a massive volcanic caldera with their viewing position higher than the drifting clouds. The guide was confusing in her descriptions and her indication of which direction guests should look in was given by her raised arm which was invisible from many seats on the bus. She emphasised the drama of the route but she was the only person shrieking at the sharp bends.  She also asked guests to inform the driver if another bus was approaching along the narrow roads. Not sure what he thought of that.

TSH took many photographs to provide him with an occupation of deleting and editing in the afternoon. Another guest was taking photographs with a tablet with the sound instructions played at a high volume. 

Some guests are talking a lot about the rough seas encountered during some nights but this has not been at a level to bother TSH and Diva.

Diva's brightly coloured jacket was admired. The restaurant manager checked that TSH and Diva were happy with their lunch.

The main crops on La Palma are bananas and potatoes.

Diva has a new BFF

 On the mid-cruise questionnaire, Diva gave a poor mark for service in the restaurants. Many people are remarking on this and guessing that crew numbers have been reduced and that there are many new crew onboard. Everyone seems to be working hard but service is often slow and inaccurate. 

Maybe Diva was the only person to make a point of this on the questionnaire. She received a phone call from the Restaurant Manager, who wished to have breakfast with her to discuss the issues. This resulted in a constructive dialogue between him and TSH and Diva. He is committed to improving the service. 

TSH and Diva are now receiving a lot of attention from crew members. 

Hot rocks

On the second formal night, all the guests appeared to have made an effort to look smart and many - including TSH and Diva - were in formal dress.  Medals are encouraged and one guest was seen wearing his. There is probably a higher percentage in formal dress than is usual on Silversea in recent years. As on most evenings of this cruise, TSH drank a glass of white wine as part of his rehabilitation from his stroke.

Canapes are delivered to the suites in the late afternoon and Diva has been sending pictures of them to the family Whatsapp. Comments include: 'Is it the same garnish every day with different bases?' 'Have they run out of caviar and switched to Branston pickle because it looks close enough?' 'Ran out of Branston as well today?'

When TSH and Diva were in Lanzarote observing the 'geothermic anomalies', they were handed some hot stones from a volcanic area. Diva dropped hers immediately, as they were too hot (about 80 degrees C). But she since discovered that TSH kept his as a souvenir. He has them wrapped in a tissue but they have cooled down.

On the way back to the Spirit of Discovery' they were offered Werners Originals - a classic Saga touch. 

Rocking up to the volcanoes

The ship was very unstable during the evening and night and TSH and Diva were pleased to be dining on Deck 5, although even there a large pile of crockery slid onto the floor and broke. On Deck 12, the movement was even greater and a Code Alpha call was made after someone fell over and hurt themselves. A stretcher party was eventually needed. The evening of Irish music was cancelled on safety grounds. Diva's green jacket was well received at dinner and people asked if she was Irish. Does a fraction count?

In the morning the Captain said that the weather had been worse than forecast and apologised for inadequate warnings.

TSH had been unable to complete the previous day's sudoku - a great blow to his pride. He felt vindicated when the solution appeared with an error in it. 2 '1's in the same square indicated that there was something badly wrong with the puzzle itself. 

In Lanzarote, TSH and Diva went on an excursion to the Timanfaya National Park to see the impressive volcanic landscape. They were able to taste local wine and also attended  a talk on the health giving properties of the Aloe Vera plant. 

The wearing of the green

 It is St Patricks day and there is a special cake in the Living Room. The cupcakes are decorated in green. The food continues to be good and the morning fruit salad is almost as good as the one TSH makes at home.

The sea has been more choppy and the Captain has decided to take a slightly longer route - hugging the African coast - to avoid the 8m swell in the centre of the depression. Diva has issued stugeron tablets. This is an interesting Captain, he is ex Royal Navy but hopefully his submariner skills will not be needed on this voyage. 

Some of the guests are confused by marine terminology. One asked his partner if their cabin was on the port or the starboard side. 'We are on the starboard', 'But we can't be. Because we could see the cranes when we were in port. That must be the port side'. 

Several guests have mentioned the Herman's Hermits performance and how much they enjoyed it. TSH and Diva have kept their own counsel.

The clocks have changed again. TSH has no idea why. And although they have switched off automatic time change on their phones, the phones seem to be making independent decisions about the time changes. 

TSH is pleased that he is becoming more familiar with the layout of the Spirit of Discovery and has successfully made a few short journeys alone,

Diva will wear her green jacket for dinner.

Rain in Cadiz

 TSH and Diva had already cancelled their coach tour, as they decided that they would enjoy walking around Cadiz on their own.  After a good breakfast, TSH sat on the balcony in the sun for a while. By the time they got to the gangway, the sun was gone and the heavens had opened. They only made it as far as the terminal building before they returned to the ship. The weather improved in the afternoon, so they took a short walk to the cathedral. A carnival was taking place and there was a lot of street theatre and people dressed in the sort of crazy costumes that the British reserve for Christmas and hen parties. 

TSH and Diva have mostly been impressed with the hygiene arrangements on the Spirit of Discovery. There are sanitisers everywhere and compulsory hand-washing on the way into buffets. All of the security staff have so far managed to scan their ship cards without needing to touch them. But one woman grabbed Diva's card and said that was the only way she could scan it. She looked totally blank in the face of Diva's protestations about the spreading of disease. In the unthinkable event that Diva catches norovirus, there will be a formal complaint.

TSH has started to take photographs.

First World problems

 The clean laundry was not delivered during the afternoon, as is usual, and there is no spare laundry bag, so TSH and Diva had to contact the butler again. The laundry appeared after dinner, the new dirty laundry was placed outside the door and there is now a spare bag for future use. 

The packing has proved comprehensive this time but Diva wished they had brought their Lakeland Sticky Stuff Remover. Her tube of foundation had a label which has proved impossible to remove by any other method. Inelegant.

Diva was unable to log into the ship internet to write this blog, so she thought she would write it in Word and cut and paste it in later. But Microsoft wanted her to log in and could not authenticate her without the internet. It would not even allow the use of Onenote. Is this organisation some sort of global domination monopoly? Don't answer that. 

The hair dryer supplied in the suite was designed and sourced by people who had never used a hair dryer. A button had to be continually depressed during use but its position was such that the manual skills to hold the button, hold the dryer itself and manipulate the hair brush were far beyond Diva's capabilities. A chat with a helpful woman on Reception resulted in a replacement dryer - there is still a button which must be held throughout but it seems easier to use. 

Banana soup

 Another day at sea, another 2 destination lectures and 'Murder most foul' from the geographic profiler. TSH and Diva are far too dignified to join in with line dancing but they were in the lounge where it was taking place. 'Achy breaky heart' went well but it was only during the Irish 'I'll tell my Ma when I get home' that the clapping and whoopping really get going. 

At lunch, a nearby Welsh woman tried to recruit a tall muscular waiter for her national rugby team but he assured her that he only played basket ball.

TSH and Diva watched the evening entertainment from the comfort of the suite. 'An evening with Herman's Hermits' featured only one of the original group and neither the vocals or the instrumentation was impressive. Finishing with an encore of 'I'm 'Enery the eighth  I am' did not strike an authentic note.

The time change went smoothly on this occasion, as automatic time change has been disabled on both phones and manual time setting turned out to work well. 

Dinner for both TSH and Diva was Chateaubriand, which both enjoyed. Despite Diva's love of bananas they both passed on the cold banana and Baileys soup (a starter, not a dessert!!).

Across The Bay

The notoriously choppy Bay of Biscay is smooth for TSH and Diva. Everyone now has all their bags - some guests had to have their first dinner in their travel clothes because the luggage had not been distributed. TSH and Diva were lucky to have had their clothes bags in time for their first major appearance.

The Spirit of Discovery is up-to date and has a button by the door to indicate 'do not disturb'. Next to it is another button saying 'make up room'. Diva was very excited and thought that this was a special place for applying her cosmetics. She had read the emphasis wrongly - it was an invitation for the cleaner to enter.

The day was leisurely - walks around the promenade deck, a lecture about Cadiz and another about the geology of Madeira. Both excellent speakers. The third talk - also excellent - was different from any other cruise ship talk. It started with a trigger warning about the violent and upsetting content.  The speaker was a Geographic Profiler who worked with the police to solve serious crime. The basis of the work was concerned with correlating the locations important to the criminal's life with the locations involved in the crime. He discussed several well-known crimes that he had worked on. Some police officers think that this work is more helpful than that of criminal profilers. 

TSH and Diva confirmed that Saga, like Silversea, will offer other complementary wines if the wine of the day is not acceptable to a guest. They were very impressed when the people at a nearby table tried to order 'paid for wine' and the waiter dissuaded them by offering a wide range of alternative complementary wines. 

TSH has so far taken no photographs.

Hard day's start

Tony the SAGA  driver remained cheerful throughout the long journey to Portsmouth. Despite being gutted the previous night at Anfield, where he saw Liverpool drop out of the UEFA Champions League. A short stop at Warwick services provided the opportunity for TSH and Diva to eat the bananas.

Embarkation was not as smooth as they had experienced at Dover. More queues and outdoor in the cold for a while.  Diva had her photo (for ship id)  taken twice because she closed her eyes the first time. A well known trait. A quick lunch was followed by going to the cabin to await the lugage. 2 of the 3 suitcases soon arrived but the 3rd did not appear until later in the evening. Diva went to reception before sailing so that they could assure her that the bag was onboard.   Moisturiser, hair styling products, shaving equipment ........ She had tried to telephone reception but there is no telephone directory and the butler's card did not contain a number. The reception number is listed on the television if you can find the right number but so far Diva had not had the time to work this out. 

Safety drill went smoothly as TSH remembered his card and no torches were involved for Diva to test.

Dinner had been arranged for TSH and Diva in the East meets West restaurant  and the meal was excellent. Diva wanted a nightcap in the cabin and was pleased that the butler had provided Merlot, as requested. But it had a cork and the butler had to be summoned to provide a corkscrew. Another baby butler to be trained.

Are we nearly there yet?

 The cruise clothes are on the planning rails and the toiletries are laid out on the spare room desk. TSH has put out his dinner suit, which he accidentally left behind on his last cruise. The suitcases are ready and TSH and Diva have both had their hair appointments. Diva's nail appointment was cancelled because she developed a very bad back, which meant that she could not attend. Fortunately things are now improving but her nails are still bare.

At home, fresh food is dwindling and Diva has suggested she might count the remaining tomatoes and divide by the number of lunches to work out the portion sizes. There will be no more food deliveries but there could be an emergency visit to Sainsburys to top up. There are enough bananas for sustenance on the journey to Portsmouth. 

TSH is pleased with himself because his garden improvement program is running to schedule and a short holiday is possible.