Diva's excursion

In Langkawi, Diva decided to take a separate excursion. There were two words in the description of TSH’s tour which influenced this – ‘bat’ and ‘cave’. Diva and TSH left the ship by tender together but then separated to go on different tours. The first time they have ever done this.

Her excursion was not the most organised event. The visit to the Makam Mahsuri

Mausoleum consisted of a walk through the exhibits and, surprisingly, the shop, with no time to pause, and a viewing of half the film which explained how the unjust execution of the princess led to a 7 generation curse on the island. The 8^th generation has now arrived and the curse is over. The visit to the Malay house never happened because a tropical downpour started and everybody refused to walk through it.

On arrival at the beach – 20 minutes for a photo stop at an almost deserted beach – many guests pricked up their ears when the new luxurious Four Seasons hotel was mentioned. Cold drinks and clean toilets seemed within grasp. However, entry to the resort was not possible and disappointment prevailed.

The rubber tapper did not arrive for the promised demonstration and Diva wondered if this had been booked at all.

Langkawi means ‘Eagle Rock’ and there is a huge sculpture of the eagle – technically a kite – which was included in the tour specification. The guide informed the guests that it was not possible to take the bus near to the sculpture and he doubted that there was time to walk to it. Diva was put off by this but eventually set off and walked part of the way. If the guide had not wasted time assuring the group that it was not possible, Diva, and most of the rest of the group, would have made it.

By far the best part of the excursion was the visit to Galleria Perdana to view exhibits of over 2,500 state gifts and awards presented to Malaysia's longest serving former Prime Minister, Tun Dr. Mahathir Mohamad. This gallery consisted of a beautiful modern Islamic style building the size of a very respectable museum. It was difficult to pick out the interesting bits and the guide had never done a guided tour of the building and did not know where anything was. The gifts were magnificent, with many sculptures and jewelled items and several new cars.

Diva thought it was sad that the guide was a university qualified engineer who had returned to Langkawi because he so much hated working in a design office in the city.  He had since spent around 10 years in tourism, which seems a terrible waste. He worked for a period at the afore mentioned Four Seasons, saving up his bonus points for years until he could afford to spend a night in one of its beach villas.

Langkawi is the most scenic place on this segment of the cruise – a beautiful sail in through islands and inlets. A bit like Norway but most of the hills are rounded and lower. It is a holiday island and there is a lot of modern development. Diva was informed that this is in the top 7 places in the world to visit but this is probably a matter of perspective. Royal Caribbean  ‘Mariner of the Sea’ was also also visiting.

Some people saw a large monitor lizard. Another common animal is the monkey, which has learned to open doors, steal items and take the top off a canned drink.

Boca da Valeria

This was a ‘self-guided exploration’ of an ‘authentic’ Amazon village and Diva had rock-bottom expectations. The reality was worse. It started on the tender, with small boats coming alongside and a small boy thrusting a sloth at people so they could photograph it in return for money. On arrival in the village, there was a reception line of children with dollar signs in their eyes, two of whom grabbed Diva’s hands to escort her onwards. TSH wisely raised his hands so that they could not reach.

The promised monkeys, macaw, capybara, iguana, toucan and cayman were all seen but they were all tethered, some possibly dead and one possibly plastic. One crazy English woman had to be stopped by her husband from stroking the capybara. Some people were dressed in ‘Indian’ costumes which probably owed more to Disney than to native culture. Any photograph involved an expectation of payment. Why not a camera fee at the start to cover it all? TSH paid for one photograph by donating his pencil.

One woman was heard teaching a group of children to count in English. Not exactly the transfer of cultural information expected. The colonial instinct is alive, well and living on the Silver Whisper.

Diva thought nothing was authentic, nothing was enjoyable and the experience diminished both sides. If the people enjoy their simple life so much, as guides have been telling us, why are they allowing themselves to be turned into a zoo selling unwanted souvenirs to voyeuristic tourists? TSH enjoyed the trip but shared the view that it was somewhat artificial.

The only good bit was a few more pink dolphin sightings. TSH also got some better photos of vultures.

Little England

Pasta night at the Barbados Hilton is a little bizarre. The pasta dish is designed and cooked to order. The guest chooses ingredients (fish, chicken, onions, prawns, beef, a variety of vegetables) and the chef puts them all into a pan in the manner of a stir-fry. Ready cooked pasta, chosen from three varieties, is then added to the mix, with a choice of cream or tomato sauce. Because this takes a long time, and the queue is building, the assortment is not fully hot by the time it is turned out on to the plate. Diva was not very impressed.

The Little England tour seemed to be the best leaving on Sunday morning and it turned out to be an excellent choice. Only four passengers in a minibus with an informative local guide. The tour covered a large part of the island, including the coral Caribbean side and the shale, sand and clay Atlantic side. There are sugar plantations, sweet potatoes and a field of pigeon peas. Northern English readers might remember that back in the 1950s when there were travelling fairs, everyone used to eat black peas. No-one from anywhere else has ever heard of them (they are fairly disgusting, by the way). Well, black peas are reputed to be pigeon peas and Diva has seen them growing!!

Highlights included Hunte’s garden, dense tropical undergrowth in a collapsed cave. Very beautiful but a bit of a nightmare for Diva when the owner described the pack of Rottweilers and rescue c*ts he keeps on the premises. Mr Hunte’s family owned several plantations and now, at the age of 78, he spends his time developing this one as a garden.  Bathsheba is so called because the sea has so many white horses it is like the milk she used to bathe in. At St Nicholas Abbey, TSH and Diva watched a fascinating 1935 film about the plantations and tasted rum punch and rum. Passed the golf club where Simon Cowell used to stay before we bought him a Barbados home of his own.

The charming guide had a notice in the vehicle suggesting he was carrying a Glock pistol, so perhaps Diva’s fears about the crime rate are reasonable.

Animals spotted include several mongoose, large millipedes, large snail and lizards. Black bellied sheep were bred in Africa and carry no wool. Traditional British sheep die of heat exhaustion. The early indefinite sighting has now been put down as a monkey. Another monkey was seen today but it was captive and posing for pics so probably does not count.

Hotel

The Barbados Hilton is competent and comfortable but a bit 1970s soulless. Massive public spaces, which are a bit empty because the season has not got going yet. Weather very wet.

Birds spotted: Humming bird, sparrow, something with a yellow front.

Animals spotted: TSH saw a tail which might have been a monkey or mongoose. No polar bears, penguins or tigers yet.